Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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