you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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