He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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