you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
