i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
