The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
i now understand why vodka
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
