gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
