i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
