Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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