I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
