Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
