I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
