I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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