When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
