ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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