we have officially lost it.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Randomize
