That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
