No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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