The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
