OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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