do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
