His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
