Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
