He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize