whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
