Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
