margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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