kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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