Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
