just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
