Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i just had sex bonerless
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
