Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
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