I wish life had little blips of pornography
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
