Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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