Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
