Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
