When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
My feet surprised me
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
