I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
