i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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