I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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