I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
