well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
