His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
