My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
