Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize