Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
