They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
