Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
