he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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