u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
